29 August 2005

Original

The mirror projects a reflection:
it moves, it talks, in the spectrum of colors
Stolen and copied by those who try,
who want praise and attention.

But there are those too
who see themselves in the mirror:
imperfect, shy, and beautiful
flaunted by their noble grace.

They bask in their innocent laughter,
the glowing smiles, the feeble scorn.
They spread their happiness, unfazed
even to the darkness of misery and hate.

They are solid and strong; living life
without fear and regression.
They survive with family and friends
whom they have bridged their love.

The mirror projects their reflection:
it moves, it talks, in the spectrum of colors
Stolen and copied by those who try,
who want their praise and attention.

One and Only

Gentle stirring of the leaves, a light breeze of comfort -
softly embraces my soul and brings warmth of coolness.
Time is not a nuisance to my immortal decision.
My fickle emotions at day and night; only my shadow.

Caressing the strands of hair, your colors
your heart across the oceans; deaf at my sirens.
The split reflection, the tainted photograph.
Pillows soaked by the incessant rain.

Your flowers still hang on my wall.
They pile up at my door: red, yellow and white.
Skeletons of stems and petals
desktops bare, vases disgruntled.

The candle shone brightly on that night -
ignited by the phosphorus of your hands.
Never has it glowed, flamed so intensely.
Many have tried yet none have succeeded.

Knocking at the door, wakes me up from my respite
Flowers again: red, yellow and white
desktops bare, vases disgruntled.
Time is not a nuisance to my immortal decision.

28 August 2005

Bukas nanaman

Mainit ang panahon ngayon
Tumutulong luha ang katawan ko
Inaasam-asam ang pagbalik ng tag-ulan
Sa ilalim ng puno, ulo'y nakayuko.

May mas higit pa ba ang pagtitiis na ito?
Na kahit isang saglit ay matikman ang sarap
Kahit isang patak ng ulan...
Matagal na akong naghihintay, naghihirap.

Ubos na ang bunga ng niyog
Natutuyo ang kanyang mga dahon.
Init ng araw sinasalubong ang aking mga paa.
Mamaya kaya...siguro ay uulan na.

optimism

don't worry
you'll get to test your luck another time
just be happy
sulking won't do you any good

stop complaining
or you'll never get what you want
just keep praying
soon you'll reap the fruits of your labor

don't cry
it's not the end of the world
be patient
you'll appreciate the rewards it gives

don't give up
you won't achieve anything
keep on going
the possibilities are endless.

beneath the waves

there lies a deeper appreciation
beneath the waves
a stream of harmony
fishes of rhythm and melody
tangled up in the algae
flat, sharp, and edgy
lyricals floating
inhibits me
from diving deeper
for the pearls:
music of the sea.

27 August 2005

the state of things - part two

we started as one
and look now, we are split into two.
to be precise: around three parts.
now it's sad

we didn't have to do those things:
talk behind one's back, do secret getaways
to be precise: to lie about things
now it's all fake

we didn't have to feel this way:
insecure, indifferent, and bad
to be precise: to hate each other
now it's sad

conspired with the devils

and i thought i could trust you guys. then i found out you all were just the same as those who spit where it says no spitting. and i turned a blind eye to those i considered friends in the beginning - to befriend you instead. now where has the other eye taken me to but to the lair of the devils themselves. i have conspired with the devils, as i have conspired with you. now i know better than to associate myselves with those who spit where it says no spitting. now i know better and to relive my days in the company of those others. i can be honest and say i have been the same, but at least now i know and decided to take the path where light shines eternal.

Butterflies

Butterflies they fly
happy colors flicker:
a rainbow in the rain
water in the desert
a candle in the dark.

Otherwise they fall
gothic shades prance:
rivers of the rain
bones in the desert
the end of days.

what does it take to be with you

will it even have to take a miracle?
i sure hope not, but it does sound interesting.
would it take me a million letters
to bring me to you?

what does it take to win your heart?
a show of strength, a game of chance?
would i have to perform some unusual dance
just to prove that i even have a chance?

what does it take to make you think of me?
a walk in the park, a trip to a movie,
a treat through lunch, a romantic dinner?
what would it take me to become the winner?

what does it take to hold your hand?
we do not need to cross the road do we,
in some luck, perform slow dances
or play ring-around-the-roses?

must it take a perfect poem
all rhymy and sweet
can't i just give you something
to eat? or myself incomplete?

tell me what it takes to be with you
or maybe dont. can't i just be the same
me, and my boring antics -
simple and in love?

question and answer

you ask me a question,
and i turn my attention to answer.
i listen as you repeat the question
and i look intently at you, trying to find the answer.

that's when the answer slips away
and instead i find the smile:
which never fails to get me,
all aching to see you give it again.

nevermind you say,
and i try to prolong my stare.
working my way around words
playing dumb just so i can see it again.

but you turn away,
and i return to my numbness.
i relive that two second moment; returning to the answer
which will wake you turn my way.

sometimes

sometimes you are nice
sometimes you're all nasty.
sometimes you get so sweet
sometimes you bathe in hate.

sometimes you're so quiet
sometimes you're so noisy.
sometimes you can be a friend
sometimes you're not there at all.

sometimes you're all i think of.

sometimes you're all i wanna forget.
sometimes i wish for an end.

sometimes i wish for a beginning.

26 August 2005

Symptoms of Affection

Rx: SYMPTOMS OF AFFECTION
by Dr. Eric Smith

1. Constant eye contact

2. Rosey cheeks

3. Oral arguments
as in teasing or inducing provocative oral statements to the affected. often, the statements present a whimsical, thought provoking, inquisitive tone.

4. Excessive Physical Contact or EPC
present and related to any of the following actions: shoving, punching, pinching, hair pulling

5. Mimicing
impersonating the affected individual

6. Silencio Proximita
unusual silence at close proximity to affected individual

7. OMIFI (Oh My I Feel Insecure)
this unusual symptom is characterized by excessive bodily touching/actions reflective of personal, physical insecurity.

8. Inferencia Absentia
this is characterized by giving inference or hinting about the affected individual who is not present or is in proximity.

9. HWU (Hey, Wake Up)
otherwise known as the Daydreaming Syndrome (DS)

10. Chronic smiling
this is characterized by excessive or recursive smiling at mention or sight of affected individual.

* If symptoms persist consult your wedding planner.

25 August 2005

to whom it may concern

how are you's and mere hello's
i hope your doing alright,
i wish i could help you find the cure to:
loneliness, heart aches, and rainy days.

to whom it may concern:
please excuse me for being such an ass.
i haven't gotten over you.
i have been inflicted by a discreet virus.
please allow me to explain myself
at the right time, at the proper forum.
please allow me to take make-up classes
so i could catch up like the rest.
soon time will pass and i can decide,
whether i should fail or pass the test.
allow me to be absent for a few days,
i'll be skipping class to think of something else.
all i ask is that you'd be considerate, and
if you wish, (i'd wish) talk to me when you have time.
thank you, and i'm hoping for your kind
consideration.

Eric Smith

bulldog chicharon

i came past by a bulldog this afternoon. he was gasping with air as he was pulled gently? by this man in a white polo. but that's how bulldogs are anyways, lazy flatfaced bulls that drool in their own weight. it was funny, me and justin were walking and we kept saying my expression... "ah bulldog" and whoa behold, a bulldog!

ahh bulldog! (voila! and you see a bulldog) ahahaha

but i went home in a hurry kinda, i started to smell like vinegar...no, more like parmesan cheese. good enough, bulldog did not pick up my 'scent' hehehe.. seriously, all you need is some chicharon, wipe it off my shirt and you have a perfect afternoon snack.

21 August 2005

observe

in the fathoms of the expanse life is but exponential,
in colors far vibrant than the spectrum of our imaginations.
gigantic blobs of gas and dust scatter infinite
our pupils limited at speckles of black and white.

the only light emanating from a scarred surface
yet we are directed to its children
so many we still must ask and get to know
we find we are not alone after all

some outperform others, but so are those in a hurry
we only witness their haste or beauty
observe, this one's a lifeless desert
but the other ravages with intensity

explorers we are, inventors have we become
through the peepholes of discovery.
the children are calling, but mother calls them back
observe, they bathe in the same light

it is not impossible after all -
we have established imagination
behold the revelation:
there is life in fact knocking on our door.

20 August 2005

yes, what an eye opening, (and mind too) 2 days it was - that's Friday and Saturday.

yes, what an eye opening, (and mind too) 2 days it was - that's Friday and Saturday.

Friday night
A 'religious' affair at the AFP theater, "Bayan Umawit" sponsored by the Loyola House of Studies and Bank of the Philippine Islands, me, my cousin and my cousin's cousin sat on the VIP row, 2 rows away from the stage. We arrived at around 745pm and patiently waited. My first impression was that it would be a ultra religious affair with hands in the air - amen, amen and all that but my expectations were crushed for the better and i decided i did the right thing to change my mind in the last minute and attend. The performers - Ateneo chorale group, 2 other chorale groups, May Bayot, Jett Pangan, Cookie Chua and Noel Cabangon were the celebrity singers. It was really fun and the music was charismatic, religious yes, but very spiritual, uplifting, nostalgic, emotional and very very memorable. I remember the times when I was perhaps around 5 or 7 years old, swinging with my sister in our swing (of course) way back in 1995 in our home here in Manila, and we would sing Church songs and those Oldies songs we got to know. Sometimes, I'd be making up lyrics and it would only be me singing, along with the creaking sounds of the metal, the afternoon breeze to my lazy dogs. I found the greater importance though of faith in that evening affair, and it made me want to go to Church right after. When the program ended, the hosts thanked the sponsors and it was only me, my cousin, and my cousin's cousin, along with two middle aged scholastic looking men and a nun that sat in the VIP section. It seemed as though we were very important people ahaha.

Saturday morning
I woke up at 550am in my alarm clock, which was 530 in my wall clock. I tried taking 5minute dozes but i forced myself to make it to the bathroom and shower. I had some cereal then went off with Justin to the the meeting place around a kilometer in distance, which was in school. We waited another hour in the 'corn field' with no corn really in sight, for our other classmates and available jeeps which would take us to the Pangarap Foundation for our Community Service activity. We arrived there after about an hour and a half, kinda sweaty and my hair dilapidated by the humidity and the erratic mobile wind. The program started and my blockmates conducted the starting events well. The games were fun, the Mamera dances and the calamansi-spoon relay, not discounting the break dancing competition hahaha. okay, so there, i got to see the other talents of my blockmates - the hosting, the prayer making, the break dancing, hints of exotic body dancing =P (sexy!) hehe, the singing, the undying desire to get away from the sun, complaining about the heat, being hungry etcetera. So we left the foundation with a sense of fulfilment to an extent - knowing that we got away from our usual 'way' and spent some time with the members of the foundation. Although I did not see it as much of an outreach activity, it was still beneficial. We took the polluting trip back to Katipunan in the jeepney - my 9 time to ride a jeepney, fyi. the sun was directly over us so it was getting really hot. we had lunch in Mcdonald's, enjoyed some laughs, talks, and card playing, then I had to go.

Saturday afternoon
I went with my tito and tita to the DZMM radio station at the ABS-CBN building somewhere in Quezon city, where they were interviewed by Senator Lim in his Katapat 1 hour radio program. This was my first time to meet a person I see only in television or in the papers, in person. We were directed to a holding room because we were quite early. There we met two people who were to go on air on an Entrepreneur program after the Senator's program. One of them sold tilapia value added/processed products - tilapia fish sticks, tilapia longanisa, etc.. and the lady sold pili nut products - buko-pili jam, pili nuts that were sugar coated and stuck together, pili cakes, etc. Then the Senator came in, in black boots, in a long sleeve polo, with his white hair glossed back and perfectly lined and combed. He kinda reminded me of the Osmeña president you see in one the paper money demonination. He and my uncle talked about the program and of the case to be discussed. By the time it was about 5min to 6pm we went to the main broadcasting room and i sat in the sofa along with my tita's sister. It was also my second time in a radio broadcasting room but this could be deemed my first because the said first was in a low tech area, which served drama radio productions. Less than an hour was spent on delibrating the case itself, due to News Patrols, and these ads to the like of Palmolive shampoo 'bounce,bounce' and another shampoo's KSP - kulang sa sun protection blah blah... My tita cried when she first talked. Both of them got on a phone patch with an AFP representative and she was able to present her grievances, asking for the reopening of the case. My tito constantly said that despite Senate findings that my cousin's death was a murder, in written 40+ page documents of two senators, through forensic investigations, handwriting experts, the institutions of the Armed Forces of the Philippines still keeps in written record that my cousin had committed suicide. The case was put to a close due the ruling of the Ombudsman due to lack of evidence. We feel that after 10 years, justice to my cousin should finally be served, his soul will not rest for sure until his name is cleared from suicide, until the people behind his death with be brought before the law. His 10 year death anniversary will be this September 27.

angry for the state of things

perhaps my advertent irritation
comes from the fact that
i can't accept the state of things.
and fear has something to do
with it for sure, because i'm afraid
i'd end up this way again.

like the closest encounter of the
second kind occured hours ago
and it was clear to my eyes
sparkling to others at that time;
and i hurriedly rushed out
and walked it alone again.

most of the time, it would be like a vision
and the vision would be too far
unspoken of, unheard, unseen
to wait for the next day, hours after vision
parallel to me but it is I that's left
unspoken of, unheard, unseen.

19 August 2005

perfect poem

there's this perfect song
which tells of how someone
loves this girl so much
but can't find the words to say it,
there's a perfect sonnet
for the one he loves
a sonnet of words with no tune
so much emotion trapped
within him, just waiting
for himself to find it
there's this perfect poem
which tells of how someone
loves this girl so much
but can't find the words to say it.

18 August 2005

catch me lying

i can never hide a lie as my mouth changes
the twitch of the upper lip will signal it all
and you would catch me lip nipped

my eyes twinkle then my eyebrows rise
and the cheek temples sharpen at the edges
while the mouth tries to stiffen the curves

it is clear in my facial expression.
don't even expect a word, as i close my mouth
and add pressure at the poles, eyes rolling.

expect my immediate hesitation though,
then the rosyness of embarassment,
and you would have caught me for sure.

12 August 2005

outside the car window

i remember those long road trips
along the expressway, we'd all be together
i always liked to take the front seat
but i was too young and needed to stay at the back

it was an adventure for me to sit in the middle
my mom on my left, as i'd arrange myself
like a dog begging his master to give him more of
what's inside his bag. my eyes were fixed on the road ahead.

it wasn't my first but every trip like this brought new things:
car mishaps at almost every corner, stopovers - the unexpected.
but nothing else brought a better view except for where i
was sitting.

i never slept the whole way, i loved to look at every side of the road.
i never failed to observe and notice - from the creative plate numbers,
the pattern of faces on bumpers, the clumsy road signs, road kill, etcetera.
it was a trip that gave so much to offer, even before the start.

and i looked outside the car window, and looked with curiosity, marveled
questioned, silenced by my own thoughts. i didn't know what would happen
when we reached our destination, i took notice of everything before that.
and i was satisfied. it was perhaps the best part, little patches of fun.

outside the car window, apart from what i saw in front of me,
the left and the right corners always brought in closer glimpses of what was outside. the next time i went on a road trip, i made sure i sat at the back.
in the middle, where i had a clear glimpse of the world around me.

11 August 2005

my cousin

these past few days my tita's been calling me 'Lip' or short for Phillip, my cousin who was murdered in the navy in 1997. Many of the high-ranking officers consider his death a suicide but the senate which conducted an investigation concluded it as a murder. At present, Sen. Lim has been showing interest into finally bringing justice to my cousin's death and hopes to revive the case, when he includes it in his privilege speech this monday. I'd like to go but i have class and I may not be home for Midterm reviews.

I started to think of my cousin and about his death. I would have wanted to know him better and I also want to avenge his death. I'm kinda baffled, afraid or amazed whenever I hear from my tita or tito that Phillip has communicated with them through spirit of the glass, through spirit quests or through communication with those who have the third-eye. It's really cool and at times i would want to communicate with him.

anyways, I hope all the best goes for my cousin's case, I hope it will be reopened so that true justice to his death can be attained.

06 August 2005

silence

The old silence swallows me up
I think that you have already made it very clear
I understand why and I think I know it.

You will not miss me.
Perhaps I'm putting words in your mouth.
How dare I assume for you.
But I'm sure you won't miss me.

You say you will feel sad, I don’t believe you
I hope that he'll love you more compared to me
Only then will I force myself to leave
And make up a smile.

You want me to say it, it is very embarrassing
I can't say it, you wouldn't want to know
It would just hurt me, and i'll be a fool.
Silence makes it better.

I really don't want to leave.

Why do I still have to use this subtle smile to carry across?
It's too embarassing
You won’t need to worry too much
You never did seem to worry much.

I will constantly live well
As I have for the decades back.
You have already left far away.
I will also slowly walk away.

It's too embarassing...
To bring respite to the burden of my emotions
I will learn to give you up
It is because I love you too much

plucking petals

i can't help but notice
the flowers that get plucked
overdone too much perhaps
and you give them a bitter stare

as though it is an enjoyable moment
the plucking of this flower's petals
as it sways unerringly though
there is no wind around

if only these pairs had damaging vision
one sight and it would be fixed
or one stare and it would be gone
abracadabra - vanish from mine eyes!

could i give it some sweet potion
instead of these bitter notions
or shall i stop it with this staring:
listening, quietly with no stir.

i've got to see everything:
until every petal has been plucked
after all, it's such a beautiful flower
i've noticed it ever since.

Modest Proposal

song lyrics made by a good friend

Modest Proposal
by Valerie Yap
2/1/04

I'm feeling so awkward
I've lost my mind to the february blues
Feeling so corrupted,
It's ironic
I come out innocent

Yea, plain innocence
I find solace in my words
I'm a youthful soul
Can't tell you anymore than I know

Not up to face it
This honesty's enough for one night
You're about to erase it
Well keep it there, i like the sight

Try to see what's been happening
Try and try harder
It's not my best day of the week
I've just had my first taste of defeat

Yet I'm hanging round your doorstep
Don't know if you realize
While you're hiding in the corner
Your silence is excruciating
My bones are freezing
The sharpness hurts

I care too much...
But I'll be alright
And so will you...
Hope you'll remember me.
And take me seriously
For I did mean everything I said.

You're a big boy now
Get your act together
Get your show on the road.

01 August 2005

love needs loving too

love
like a luminescent bubble
a pop would spill the hearts
overflow its cradles
leaving it be would
be like reaching for something
impossible to grasp, growing once
twice and gone; love
needs to be loved

the road of life

the road of lifeseems endless
you just wish
you could go on and on
passed the dark alleys,
the sharp corners
the lonely bridges
the road of life
seems endless
to me